Uncomfortable conversations and my responsibility within our community
“I’m about to have an uncomfortable conversation with
y’all. I may turn red and become visibly
emotional. I apologize in advance.” That statement is how I start almost every
single one of my talks on anti-sexual harassment policies. I know that the topic is hard for many in the
room to discuss, that I may trigger an unwanted response, either in the form of
a repressed thought or a negative defensive emotion, at any point in that
hour. I know that in order for those in
the room with real power to hear about this topic, they need to see first-hand
just how this unfortunate issue can negatively impact a person’s work, and
their primary objective as a scientist. But I also know that for some people in
the room, what they really want is for me to give them a hug and tell them it
will be okay. I know that my words will
have a direct influence on the audience and I must act according to the level
of respect and understanding every single person in that room deserves. That’s not easy,
and I know up-front that I have put myself into a position of responsibility.
As my career has moved along a path that has put me more and more in front of people, discussing tough topics, I’ve learned that it’s my job to be responsible for my actions and the words that I use. As a contract Program Officer in Planetary Sciences at NASA HQ, I often have to have uncomfortable conversations with proposers who are displeased with funding decisions that are likely beyond my control. I know that people may be displeased with a review they receive, and may need to send an angry message, and I’d much rather receive that message than ever let it fall onto a reviewer to deal with. Part of my job is to receive these complaints and do what can be done in the fairest way possible, and another vital part of my job is to be as respectful as possible when those complaints are brought forth, even when the other person does not behave in that manner. As a member of the CSWA, and someone who often helps in organizing and discussing events with the Women in Planetary Science Working Group, I know that I will often be dealing with uncomfortable topics that are causing us to lose valuable scientists in our field. By standing up and helping deliver these issues to a larger audience, and by doing the surveys required to start a conversation on what we can do to fix the problem, I can, at times, become a target for unwelcomed feedback.
But there’s another portion of my career/life that I also need to remember: I
have direct influence on the younger generation in this field and I should
always be projecting the type of person I would want them to become. I want them to see that, regardless of race,
gender, religion, sexual orientation, disability, etc., you can become a leader
in our field and a great scientist and there are people who will support your
endeavors and fight with you. I want
them to know that when I write or speak about an uncomfortable topic, I have
taken the time to reflect upon how my words will affect them and everyone else
in the room, and I understand that, as stated in a quote of debatable origins
(was it Spiderman or Voltaire?): “with great power comes great
responsibility.” And if I make mistakes, I will admit that have
screwed up, and will apologize for those actions. But beyond apologizing, I will strive to come
to a full understanding of my mistakes and work to remedy the situation through
a larger, broader conversation on my actions, including in the larger context
of our society. I’m not perfect, no one is, and part of the
process of coming full circle with respect is realizing that it’s your job as a
mentor, as a person, to own that.
Recently, our community has been having many difficult conversations, including
one conversation that has occurred just this week. And that’s a good thing, as we are working as
a community to improve the quality of life for our scientists, thereby
increasing the work output and making the pool of potential future scientists a
broader, more amazing pool. I hope that
in coming days/weeks/months/years we will continue to strive as a community to
become a healthier, respectful group to everyone, regardless if they agree with
out stance or opinion, and will use our intelligence and hard work effort
towards achieving success in science.
There are many resources available here at the Women in Astronomy blog
on this topic, and elsewhere (STEM Women, The Women in Planetary Science Working Group, the CSMA, WGLE, etc.) Please feel free to add other resources to
the comments.
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