We were both graduate students at Caltech, living in the
grad student dorm. There were 3
women and 60 men who wanted to live in the dorm, so the solution in those days
was to simply put the 3 women in the men's dorm. More than a little social pressure on the women, but the men
tried to be considerate. We had to
be discreet when dating to avoid ribbing and soon moved out to our own
place. Marriage in Dabney Gardens
with research groups and dorm friends in attendance.
The next hurdle was to graduate at the same time and find
jobs. Ellen's group typically
graduated in 5 years and mine in 7.
No big deal. A casual
meeting between my wife and my advisor settled the deal with me allowed to
graduate in 5 years. I never found out what was said! It was a huge pile of work to get the
research done in time, but I got out in 5 years, still a record.
We explored a large number of opportunities for post-doc
positions, and finally settled on U. Maryland and Goddard, fortunately each was
a top choice for each of us. It
was not easy to find two physics positions near each other, but we were lucky
to have both institutions work together from the start to make it happen. With a house half-way in-between, we
were both within biking distance of work.
Those post-docs turned into permanent jobs, so we fortunately did not
need to repeat the two-job trick.
Being now on the hiring side of the equation, I see how difficult
it is to arrange dual jobs. These
days, the dominant reason for a hiring action to fall through is not finding a
suitable position for the spouse.
There is no easy solution, but the most successful institutions ask the
spouse question right up front and immediately start looking for a joint
solution.
Next time … how we managed to raise kids during the
intensive early years of two careers.
Labels: family,
two-body problem
2 comments :
Neil, I fall in the "2 Carrers at any given time, 2 marriages, 4 kids (2 step-kids)" and I consider myself super lucky to not have to deal with a long-distance marriage/family situation ever - I would not call it smooth, but it ended up working out. The more years go by and I see what people face, the more amazingly lucky I feel.
One question: when you say "ask the spouse question upfront", do you mean at the interview level of a candidate or right after the candidate has been selected for an offer?
Best,
Vicky
I'm pretty sure it's illegal to ask about marital status at the interview level. Best to ask after the candidate has been given an offer, to know what will need to be negotiated to make it work.
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